She Was Wonderful

Want to know all about Phyllis Chase? 

When she first found out that she was suffering from pancreatic cancer, a few members of the Princeton men's lacrosse team made her chocolate chip cookies.

"That was so sweet of them," Phyllis told TigerBlog. "They're such nice guys."

That was the loving side of Phyllis.

"Of course, the cookies weren't good, but I appreciated it."

And that's the honest side of Phyllis. With Phyllis, you never got one without the other. 

Phyllis Chase, who spent 27 years working in the business office of the Princeton Department of Athletics, died Sunday night after putting up the same courageous fight that so many others have. She was three weeks shy of her 80th birthday.

In addition to working at Princeton, Phyllis was also the longtime wife of Bryce Chase, Princeton Class of 1963 and a lifer with the men's lacrosse program. If a more perfect love has ever existed than the one between Phyllis and Bryce, the list isn't very long. 

TigerBlog doesn't want to list the number of people who have taken on cancer and in the end not won, but he knows far too many of them. So do you. 

He will mention one person though. His mother. MotherBlog also passed away from cancer, back in 1994, when she was only 55. Her attitude was similar to the one Phyllis showed. 

Cancer wasn't going to slow her down, and if she didn't make it in the end, it wouldn't be because she didn't try every possible solution. Even more than that, there was no way that she was going to just sit around and sulk.

Phyllis? She did exactly the same things. 

It's fitting that the last time TB saw Phyllis was at Contes, the legendary Princeton pizza restaurant. What? Miss out on a good time? Not Phyllis.

She was defined by many things, including the warmth and honesty that TB already mentioned. In many ways, those were also the things that defined MotherBlog. Perhaps that's why TB was so fond of Phyllis and so drawn to her and Bryce all these years. 

You want love and honesty? Here's an email that TB got from Phyllis in 2009, when he first started doing this blog:

Since I now know where to find the blog ---  I have gone back and read them all.  You are such a contrast, from your excellent, sensitive writing to your in person persona where sarcasm reigns supreme. I know you have a soft side and can be thoughtful and kind but you seem to keep that hidden from many.

That's how Phyllis was all the time. She never sugarcoated anything. She told it the way she saw it, and you couldn't help but love her for it.

She was a warm and beautiful person. She had a zest for living and a fast sense of humor. She loved people. She was as loyal as it gets. It's probably not possible to count the number of weddings she and Bryce attended. That's just how it was. Once she was in your life, she stayed there. 

She was welcoming. How many young coaches who were just starting out at Princeton have lived in Phyllis and Bryce's basement, rent-free of course. 

If you were invited for dinner and asked what you could bring, the answer was always the same: "just yourself." If you were at an event where Phyllis was, she'd be taking pictures, not with her phone but with an actual camera, from which she would get actual prints, doubles, keeping one and giving you one. The walls of her house are covered with photo collages she put together through the years.

As TB closes his eyes now and imagines her, he can see her smiling, because that's what she was usually doing. 

TB was not the only one who thought that way of Phyllis. Ask pretty much any Princeton men's lacrosse alum, and you'll get the same response. That's also true of anyone who worked with her, many of whom TB heard from after the news started to get around. His longtime friend and former colleague Craig Sachson spoke for all of them when he texted this: "That's terrible. She was wonderful."

To know Phyllis was a joy. To see her around Bryce as much as TB did was even more amazing.

Bryce is a tough ex-Marine, or at least he thinks he is. And, actually, now 60 years post-Princeton, he is still one of the tougher guys you'll ever meet. 

Not around his wife, though. TigerBlog wrote a novel a few years ago, and he modeled two of the main characters after Bryce and Phyllis. And why wouldn't he? They were almost too good to be true anyway.

This is what he wrote about the fictional couple, though he was actually writing about Bryce and Phyllis:

I’d come to learn that it was rare when he didn’t snap to do exactly what his wife told him to do. He was almost like a medieval knight or something. He was tough, except when it came to his wife, in which case he was as soft as a puppy.

That's how it was. He'd act tough. She'd give him a look — and right back into line he would fall. 

They were just extraordinary together. Every time he saw them. 

Bryce will always have the memory of that perfect love that lasted through the decades. Without Phyllis, he will still have their children and, just as importantly, their extended family of Princeton Lacrosse, with legions of people — including TB — who would do anything for Brycie at the drop of a hat. 

An email went out yesterday to the Friends of Lacrosse about Phyllis' passing. The news hit everyone who received it with a gut punch. That's what happens when one person means so much to so many others.

For his part, TB knows he's lost a great friend, a loyal supporter, a person he could always count on and in many ways the closest thing he's had for a mother in recent years. 

Craig was right on with what he said, 100 percent right on.

Phyllis Chase?

She was wonderful.